(The experience of the sister of a person with disabilities)
By Oyeba Mensah (Actress and HR practitioner)
My mother had only 3 of us. Her first child, my brother, died before l was born. Her second child, my elder sister, is physically and mentally challenged. l noticed with time when I was young, that the features of my body and those of my sister did not look the same. Something was different about her but l did not understand anything.
She has very silky and curly hair with catty eyes that brightened her countenance all the time. Her head is very small with a forehead that slightly sunk in but is blended with a beautifully pointed nose plus neatly carved lips that unfortunately drool. Her dental formula looked so orderly and with this, she infected everyone around her with a homely welcome smile. Her shoulders are a little curved in, which makes her look like one with a hunchback.
Oh my God! Her hips are a sight to behold. Very curvy and rounded. When she is walking, they bounce beautifully to keep a man’s gaze clued for as long as possible. Sometimes, l get jealous when my male friends come around and start admiring her. You know that kind of look in a guy’s eyes when he’s longing for something. The feet on which her body rests look small, skinny, and slightly twisted. They are not as firm as those of any normal growing child. As a result, keeping balance on her feet is a bit of a challenge.
Out of curiosity, l started bombarding my mother with questions to know why my sister looked different. She gave me a very worried and concerned look. The next thing l saw, tears started rolling down her cheeks. I stood there staring at her and wondering why in heavens’ name she was so teary. She managed to dry her tears and mustered some courage to explain to me that my sister had a developmental defect on the brain and body while in the womb and that had affected her growth so, at any point in time, she would behave like one who is half her age. This explanation did not make any sense to me at all back then but l nodded and turned away as though l perfectly understood all that she said.
Hmmm… Now, what next? My sister is damn lazy, probably because of her condition. She cannot do anything for herself despite the countless attempts by my mum and l to teach her how to do things for by herself and for herself. I totally gave up on her because she was picking up at a snail’s pace which l couldn’t handle at all. Just when we thought we were making headway, she fell down and broke her right arm. She lost her beautiful dental formula too. By the time they took the plaster (POP) off her right arm, she had speedily reclined to the joy of sitting down with her legs crossed, not making any attempt to do anything. At best, she would be ordering the rest of us about. She had a lot of guts, believing that she was fulfilling the scriptures by maintaining her right as a “true daughter of Zion” who needed to be at the helm of affairs as the head and not the tail, wherever she maybe.
I tried to make her understand that her style of leadership was unfair to us, considering her condition but she would take none of that.
Sometimes, l would pick useless fights with her, insisting that she helped with washing used dishes, her dirty clothes, or bathing herself. She would quickly remind me that her arm was hurting.
I eventually grew out of patience in hoping that someday, she would be able to do things for herself. In fact, all she can do at home is to eat when her food is served, sit behind the TV set and change channels without your knowing, tune in to radio stations of her choice to listen to the news and a couple of her favorite programs. Some of her favorite presenters are Ohemaa Wɔyɛ Jɛ, Nana Romeo Wɛliwɛli, Captain Smart, Akumaa, Abeiku Santana, and Mike 2. I am pretty sure she has got a desire to meet them one day as well but I was careful not to commit myself with a question that would give me a task I wasn’t ready for, so I never bordered to ask her which of those presenters she would like to meet one day.
I always stepped in to take care of her in my mother’s absence. Sometimes, l had to bathe her before l went to work. By the time l got to work, I was so stressed and worn out. As a result, l reported to work late quite often, as the heavy traffic did not spare me during the rush hours of the working week.
Elesi is fun to be with but, at the same time, being around her can be irritating. Her sense of humor is one of a kind. Her speech is not very clear but those of us around her, especially my mum and l, are able to understand whatever she says.
There is something very striking about her regarding visitors. If you visit the house for the first time, she would keep her distance until she is sure of what language you can speak or be sure you have a good spirit with clean intentions before she draws close to you. If you speak English, she will address you in English. If you speak any of the local languages too (i.e. Ewe, Ga, Twi), she would address you in whichever. How she is able to do this, l wonder. Most of the time, l have to be an interpreter in order to bring clarity to what she may be trying to say to the visitor.
Hey! She is one person you cannot underestimate at all. She knows about everything that happens around her, so as soon as l get back from work or town, l have to give her an ear to listen to all the stories she has to share about the activities that took place in my absence, as well as things she saw on TV or heard on the radio. She will give a detailed account, provided l have the time to listen. Sometimes l am too bagged to believe in her stories but, to a large extent, most of her “fillas” are found to be true.
Though I saw her do nothing for herself, she managed to come about some extraordinary feats that could only be attributed to the efforts of a “witch or sorceress”.
Is she a witch? How did we discover the unusual in her state of disability? How did my eyes open to see through the dark state?
………to be continued
SOURCE: DisabilityNewsGH